Published in The Haven·Mar 1Member-onlyIs Shawty Really Like a Melody In Your Head, or Do You Have Undiagnosed OCD and an Anxious Attachment Style?Iyaz may be experiencing intrusive thoughts about this girl that he can’t shake, leading him to obsess over her. — If you’re anything like me, you’ve heard Iyaz’s “Replay” at least twice in your life. It’s catchy, it’s upbeat, and it’s got a hook that gets stuck in your head for hours on end. …Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Mar 23, 2022Member-onlyThere’s a 99% Chance You’ve Been Misunderstanding the “Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road” JokeWhat exactly is “the other side”? — For years I viewed Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road (WDTCCTR) as a meta-joke. That is, a joke about the concept of jokes themselves. You see, the core tenet of humor is the subversion of expectation. Get the audience comfortable, get them expecting something, then pull the rug out…Humor3 min readHumor3 min read
Published in The Haven·Sep 27, 2019Member-onlyMan Hospitalized With Severe Clinical Depression After Mistaking Zucchini On Salad For Cucumber“The light has gone out on my life.” — A Philadelphia man was hospitalized with severe clinical depression after mistaking pieces of lame zuchini in his salad for much superior cucumber, according to a recent report. The story begins with a man in his early 30s who visited a Panera Bread restaurant. When his signature Crispy Crunchy salad was…Food2 min readFood2 min read
Published in The Haven·Sep 26, 2019Member-onlyPhoenix Dad Sentenced to Prison After Paying $35 To Get Daughter Into Arizona StateTaco Bell Assistant Manager is the 3rd parent to be sentenced in the college admissions scandal — A Taco Bell assistant manager was sentenced today after Venmo records confirmed a $35 bribe designed to get his daughter admitted to the Arizona State University home economics program. Gregory Turner, 45, is the latest casualty of the college admissions scandal that’s ensnared several high profile celebrities and business executives…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Published in Irreverent·Sep 24, 2019Member-onlyMelania Trump Announces “Just Say No to Ugly” Anti-Bullying CampaignLet’s be honest, we all know which kids get picked on. — Hey what’s up you guys! Melania here! Today I’m introducing my newest anti-bullying initiative: Just Say No to Ugly. And to be clear, that’s not just the name of the program. It’s also a mantra to live by. We totally have a responsibility as adults to make sure no child…Satire2 min readSatire2 min read
Published in Irreverent·Sep 22, 2019Member-onlyMen who use your phone at the urinal, what the f*ck is wrong with you?Your urinal etiquette is bad, and you should feel bad. — My dearest pissing brother, I’m not sure what happened in your life that’s filled you with this need for nonstop connection. Perhaps your mother never breastfed you. Or maybe she breastfed you too much. Or maybe your father breastfed you and now you’re confused… But I’m here to offer this guidance: When you’re rippin’…Life1 min readLife1 min read
